July studio notes- an insight to artist block…
Hmm just as I thought I was in a roll again I suddenly am at a loss what to make. Despite this I did a second layer on a Danse macabre I’m not sure about, separated a diptych and began painting one side independently of the other, primed some paper for charcoal drawings using water.
From the art supply gods, twelve canvases I plan to paint separately, so I need to draw this out before I start. I have no idea where I’m going with any of it, but am trying to push on, instead of easing off like I have for six months, as it doesn’t seem to be working.
The above note was utter nonsense. I never draw things out and I am not sure why I though I would this time.
I did make some drawings on primed paper, but not twelve. I saw a hand in one so made it lightly cup a skeleton. Very pleasing.
I collect instances of colour from all sorts of sources- photos, paintings, nature, etc and stuff them into a folder on my phone. I looked at it the other day and they all related to one another. I see the world in my palette, rather than adjusting my palette to the world. Such a comfort. Anyway, I am going to use these screenshots and photos as starting points for my twelve canvas painting. No planning, will see how that goes.
Painted 5 canvases with underpainting using inspiration for the colours from my aforementioned folder. Several are very yellow. I used yellow for all the underpaintings in my climate project, so it is familiar. However it will largely disappear, some might cling on to it more than others.
Life has got so in the way this last week, and now I am ill. Dying to work, especially now it has cooled off somewhat.
Have begun to tackle several of the colour paintings. I’m not feeling it, unsure this will work.
Painted a sinking skeleton in a blast of light, which I like. Must try not to ruin it.
Ruined it.
A skeletal Icarus falls from the sun. Interesting, must try not to ruin it -de ja vu.
Managed to add some more detail but am afraid.
Started a board for Auto Amor- went badly.
I feel like my arms are heavy- there is a heaviness to working I have not had for years. Keep taking breaks, trying old tactics which previously worked, yet have the same at a loss feeling.
Ok, so, I saw a painting online audit used colour layering in the same way I do, but with one opaque colour on top. It has sparked something I am clinging on to.
No, nothing sticks. This is artist block alright.
I am taking a very long break from Instagram, as, in times like these, it muddies the water, makes me feel hopeless, plus I despise how many ads there are, how it keeps asking if I am interested in accounts I follow and how many it shows me that I don’t.
Having a rest from creating for the entirety of August. I need to take my foot off the pedal. After all, I haven’t taken a break in five years, I am burnt out.
Afraid, confused, tired, at a loss, sad. and most of all, annoyed with myself.